It's gonna be a soccer player, It is!!

Well as you can all see below our little one is looking less and less like an alien and more and more like an actual human baby. So I guess our hopes that it might have been a puppy or a kitten have now been dashed, so we will have to try again next time. However I think our odds may be pretty low on that front. It is fascinating to watch as the development occurs, the kid is already looking like SHE, yes I said SHE, might be a superstar at soccer. She easily lined up with Amanda's bladder and took a shot, I thought it was funny but I guess a pregnant woman who has just drank a quart of water and was not allowed to go to the bathroom might not agree. As I watched I also caught a bit of her mother's attitude peeking through. The head turn with the whatever look, she will make an outstanding Valley girl when she gets older. It was a great experience to see the baby bouncing around and turning toward us and yawning. Next we may decide to go for a 3D ultrasound, A.K.A. the baby in a bottle experience, now you may wonder why I call it that. When you look at one they are so detailed that it looks like you are looking at a baby in a bottle, I know it's kind of morbid (you can thank the wife for that). Initially she wanted nothing to do with it for that reason, but now with the great experience Friday she is looking forward to possibly doing it. If we do expect to see it make an appearance shortly there after.

I know just from the ultrasound that I am going to have a handful with this little one and that she is going to be exceptionally spoiled. I can deal with that though, because I can spoil them, but they are also going to be taught to respect what they are given and understand that it takes work to get it.

Tasers and STDs

Well, we are nearing the time when we will know what flavor our child is going to be "blue" or "pink". This Friday we (and by we I mean Amanda) have an ultrasound. After that I expect a flurry of excitement, pictures being sent to people, posted on the blog, facebook, myspace, telephone poles, milk cartons...well you get the picture, Amanda will be letting everybody know, I on the other hand will know whether or not I need to invest in a taser to put over the mantel to remind a daughter that her boyfriends may be subject to its use. Well you may be wondering why I would make such a comment and as usual I fully intend on telling you (here is where you groan). Well if a daughter happens to be born, then eventually she will get to the age to begin dating, if that happens then she will have boys attempting to court her, and as having previously been a boy I know that at a certain age a different part of boy's anatomy takes over the mental calculations and processes. When this happens boys become very dangerous because many will do and say anything to round third base and head for home plate, while this is a very natural part of being alive, I as a father would prefer that this not happen while they are quite so young. Looking back I can now see what parents are talking about, the prospect of being a father at 28 is scary, just imagine while you are still in high school.

Now you may be thinking now that you know why I want the glass encased taser "oh sure he is going to have that there to scare the poor kid", ah, but you would be wrong, my plan is that on their first date to shoot him with it in the chest area, followed by telling him that if anything that requires any more than a jacket to be removed the next shot will be lower. I know this sounds harsh but when my daughter is accepting the Noble prize she will thank me. Also, for the record, I have a couple of plans in mind if we have a boy. The first also utilizes the use of a taser to the nether regions and telling him that that is what sex feels like, but Amanda may veto that, so instead the plan is to make him start working while going to school, and paying the money to us as if we are raising his kid and we will invest it for him so he can go to college and some day accept the Nobel Prize. Lofty dreams and harsh methods, I know, but I am not a father quite yet so I can still tell everyone that I am going to be the mean hard ass parent, but we all know that I am probably going to be somewhat of a push over, so in both cases they will be forced to watch the STD video I had to in boot camp that showed what an STD could do to some very important parts, I know that scared the hell out of me.

Fear of the Pink Walls

Well it has been a while since my cynical self posted and for that I apologize, I have had no inspiration for some reason. I truly think that work has been sucking it right out of me. So now that I have returned I must say that our little alien appears to be developing at an alarming pace to look more and more like an actual human. We are soon to start the painting of the babies room but first we want to wait until we find out for sure that we are having a girl. You may be thinking "Why it sounds like he is positive that they are having a girl" and to be honest with you I would be totally shocked if we had a boy as would Amanda. Now here is my reasoning, while not at all scientific or even rational, both of my parents come from families with three kids all of the same gender. Then they had two boys, and their siblings all had one gender. So I suspect that we will only have one gender and since I used to play with radiation quite regularly I am quite sure it will be all girls for us. In addition to this a good friend of mine is convinced that since I know him it will also be all girls for us because all of his friends have had nothing but girls. So as you can see I have quite convincing evidence that I will be living in a home of estrogen. As frightening as it may sound I think I will adapt just fine. Regardless I will love my child unfalteringly, even when she sets the house on fire playing with matches and brings home the school bad boy on a date(now him I don't promise to even like), but they will have my love and affection. I am getting more excited by the day and in about 2 weeks we will know what we are having and can go into the buying frenzy, i just have to talk the wife out of everything being Pink, the kid will need some diversity in their life.